Mob Handed

Dir: Liam Galvin, 2016

1/10

Mob Handed

Who told football hooligans they can act? Well, obviously Liam Galvin, the director of this atrocious piece of crap.

Galvin’s other claim to fame is the “classic” crime flick “Killer Bitch”, a film made famous by the tabloids for reporting it’s graphic scenes of sex and violence none of which actually appear.

The film had promise but the lack of talent in every department ruined it.

The premise is very simple; an anonymous gang of vigilantes take matters into their own hands aided by an MP. A female reporter is following the gangs activities when her ex husband is attacked and teenage daughter is raped and murdered by a serial paedophile turning her into judge, jury and executioner.

Yvette Rowland plays the reporter who is only capable of crying unconvincingly. The only talent she has is to look pretty. She certainly can’t act. Jess Conrad seems to think he’s still in Jim Davidson’s “Sinderella” going by his pantomime performance.

The remaining cast are made up of ex criminals and footie yobs such as Dave Courtney and Cass Pennant.

Trying to inject some respectability into the film Lysette Anthony is in it for the whole of …ooh…what? Five minutes?

Rounding out the cast is rent-a-plank Leslie Grantham (yes, he of Dirty Den and murderer of German taxi drivers fame) who inexplicably disappears from the proceedings with no mention of where he’s gone.

It’s unintentionally funny watching not-really-hard men trying to be hard men such as Chris Ellison off “The Bill”.

Seriously, give this one a miss. It won’t quench your action thirst. If you want a proper vigilante film, done the right way, go and watch Death Wish II.

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4 thoughts on “Mob Handed

  1. Go Fuck Yourself Mark – just a typical no talent critic who creates nothing but tries to make a name for himself slagging other people’s work off. Have you ever tried to create something yourself you wanker – well here’s my critictruthblog – pathetic review done by an inadequate tosser. Crawl back under your stone.

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    1. Aww, thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me that you made the effort to waste your time with your drivel. Once again, thank you, Gonk.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Has Mark ever tried to create something himself you ask? You mean other than this smartly presented, accurate, informative blog? I take it you must either be the ‘director’ or someone involved in spending time or money on what I must say is amongst the worst films I have ever wasted my time watching. Even the soundtrack sucks, I take it the producer knew (and owed favours to) all the ‘artists’ you can hear-at times over the badly acted script. My daughters school play was more professional than Mob Handed. It’s embarrassing. I felt bad for anyone who’s associated with the film. No wonder you’re so defensive, you call names yet don’t leave your own? Too embarrassed to be associated with the film are you? I’m not surprised. The gun fire sounds like poor party poppers, the script could’ve been written by a slow 7 year old, apart from the countless vulgarities and over-use of the f and c words, nobody in this film or indeed in the credits for mob handed could contribute to any ‘making gangster films for dummies’ publication. It’s shockingly bad. I searched for reviews to see whether or not the whole thing was a bad parody or sick joke! To learn it was actually made as a serious film truly saddens me. The lighting is ok, the sound is terrible, the acting is… abominable? Pathetic? Mob Handed would get an N of it were graded as a primary school film project. Ungradeable, plus any child involved would be on detention or even suspension for submitting such an unfinished, poorly presented ‘work’. Mob handed makes everyone in it or involved with its making look like completely brain dead talentless idiots. Any modocomes of respect I had for any of the actors I recognised, Leslie Grantham, the two chaps from the bill etc have been dissolved in the acid taste left in my mouth after straining to watch this childish attempt of a movie. Yes, I could do better. Any of my friends could make a much better film than this. That’s not to say my friends and I are talented film makers, we just wouldn’t allow any scene to be wrapped up unless it were a thousand times better than any from Mob Handed. Diabolical. The director, cast and crew along with anyone else involved with the making of this crap waste of time ‘film’ should feel utterly ashamed of themselves. They all owe me around 90 minutes of my life which I’ll never get back. If I had the choice i would rather stand naked on a Welsh mountain during a mid winter storm for an hour and a half than watch Mob Handed again. If anyone reading this doesn’t believe me then just watch it yourself. Then write your thoughts on here as I have done. I look forward to reading some more honest objective reviews. Thank you.

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  2. Lmao. Great review mate, i wasted last night checking this steaming pile of dog shit that was supposed to be a film. One of the worst i’ve ever watched…… Shite guns as well. It was laughable buddy, if you directed this. Don’t admit it. Lol.

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