Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Dir: Zack Snyder, 2016




Let’s be blunt…this film is shit! It’s three hours long and is about as much fun as having rectal surgery!

It’s boring. And when I say boring I mean BOOORRRRIIINNNG!

Ben Affleck is totally wrong as Batman/Bruce Wayne/smarmy bellend twat. Henry Cavill is just…meh. There’s no one way or the other with him. He’s not particularly rememberable but you don’t totally forget about him, either. He’s just there.

Somewhere along the line Wonder Woman comes in to it. The only reason I can fathom is to link it to the next installment of superhero overkill.

Me and our lass had high hopes for this but they were quickly diminished within half an hour. There’s nothing to grab you. It’s so slow. The action is minimal. The rest of it is just talking. Uninteresting talking I’d like to add.

Superman/Clark Kent/world’s most dullest man is tracking the activities of vigilante Batman to report on them for his newspaper The Daily Planet. Perry White, the editor, (Laurence Fishburne) doesn’t like it and orders him to stop and report on something else. Batman doesn’t like Superman and thinks he’s a threat to humanity and is setting out to stop him. Yep! That’s about as interesting as it gets. And they drag out for THREE HOURS. This film does not need to be three hours long. You could say it all in ninety minutes. Might be a bit more enjoyable if it was.

Jesse Eisenberg is Lex Luthor, Jr and overacts so much it’s embarrassing. Stuttering his lines while trying to hold back his hyperactivity. This aspect of his character is just plain annoying.

It’s basically a trailer for the next lot of DC films coming up. The Flash is in it for an unexplained reason. It’ll probably be revealed in an upcoming “Flash” film. They’ve even got the most pointless superhero ever appearing. We’re talking of course Aqua Man! Seriously? Aqua Man? What the hell?! What can he do? Even his name is crap! Unless there’s some ingenious plan by a bunch of marine minded criminals he’s going to have to have the afternoon off.

Batman has these frequent daydreams about his parents murder and visiting their grave which get irritating very, very quickly.

“Batman V Superman” is a multi million dollar waste of money. With different writers it could have been the superhero movie of all time. But, with these writers, it’s just an incoherent mess. They’ve got the two most famous heroes of all time and just don’t know what to do with them. I think it would have been better to have had them uniting instead of adversaries.

Maybe you need to be a comic book fan to enjoy this film which is a shame because there are a lot of comic book films that are enjoyable and you don’t need to be a comic book reader.

The best sentiment to describe my feelings on this film would be “bored shitless”.




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