The Neon Demon

Dir: Nicolas Winding Refn, 2016

2/10

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Christ almighty! What on earth is this crap?!

This is has got to be one of the most pretentious, drawn out and awful piles of dung that has ever made it to the cinema.

Jesse (Elle Fanning) is an aspiring model, who is the envy of all the other girls.

Ruby (Jena Malone) takes a liking to Jesse and takes her under her wing.

Then it all goes tits up because of jealousy and shit.

Everything about this film is wrong. It’s pointless, benign and self indulgent.

The Neon Demon is Refn’s ego reaching epic proportions.

He spends so much time on the look of the film he forgets to incorporate the story.

A sparse script, there’s very little dialogue to progress the film and, what there is, is bland and uninteresting.

Fanning is terrible as the lead character, and cannot lead a film. She has this vacant expression and can’t act for shit.

It’s just too unrealistic; all these girls fawning over her and showering her with compliments when she doesn’t look the part.

She doesn’t have perfect skin, or a wonderful nose and she isn’t great looking.

I understand that she’s a real woman, and real women do not look the way they are portrayed in films and magazines.

But, in this, she’s supposed to be this perfect model and she isn’t. Some of the other girls are far more prettier and, I know, that there are actresses more suited to play Jesse.

So, before anyone jumps down my throat and calling me a “sexist pig” or misogynistic, let me clarify; I’m not having a go at her for being a proper woman. I’m only talking about the character and her relationship with the other models.

Again, I realise that even models look ordinary without make up and clothes but I just don’t buy all the envy towards her.

To be honest, the film’s pretty stupid. What was the point of Malone shagging the dead body? What does necrophilia have to do with anything?

Before its release, the movie was the subject of some controversy because of its graphic scenes of necrophilia and cannibalism with people walking out of the screening.

You don’t SEE any cannibalism. Only the implication. It is nowhere near as graphic or as gory as the way the media have made it out to be.

I’m sure the entire film is a metaphor on how empty and vacuous the fashion industry is. It’s a dog eat dog world, so Refn makes it literal.

But it’s just so boring and tedious.

Keanu Reeves has, what amounts to no more than, a cameo. His total screen time, as a sleazy landlord, can’t total more than five minutes.

It’s a pity role. “Here you go, Keanu. You haven’t been in a hit film for a while, so have this on me”

In fact, you only, really, see his face once. It could be anybody and all Keanu’s got to do is phone his lines in while he sits on the sofa, eating crisps.

It’s a terrible, awful film with no redeeming qualities, and only appeals to those who think they are “deep” and “thoughtful”.

Then again, modelling is all superficial and so is this film. Maybe Nicolas Winding Refn got it right, after all.

But crap is crap. And this is crap broken down into its purest form.

Don’t waste your time.

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