Dir: Lee Demarbre, 2001
Being a film fanatic and amateur critic, I am compelled to watch a variety of movies. There’s some real pearlers out there.
And then there’s this.
A truly awful, diabolical movie with zero entertainment value and even less talent.
In modern Canada, Jesus Christ saves lesbians from vampires who kill them for being deviants.
Along with the help of Mexican wrestler El Santo, and a woman called Matt, Jesus battles and stakes his way through the hoard of supernatural blood drinkers.
The film sounds so much better than it actually is.
It’s a mesh of genres. A musical, comedy, action, kung fu.
What we should have here is a wonderful mix of the absurd, providing solid entertainment.
Instead, we have a steaming hot turd, and the only mix is undigested sweetcorn and peanuts.
Filmed on 16mm, it’s incredibly grainy and the sound is poor with atrocious dubbing and synchronisation.
Apparently, the budget was $100,000 but I think it must be a typo because it doesn’t, even, look like $100!
Often, that can add fun to a film. It gives it a low budget charm and a grindhouse feel; just look at The Evil Dead or Pink Flamingos.
But, here, no. It’s appalling.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is devoid of any laughs or humour and is just plain irritating.
The songs are terrible and uninspired, with bad lyrics and is, totally, forgettable.
Just like this film, actually.