9 1/2 Weeks

Dir: Adrian Lyne, 1986

1/10

Making waves with 1983’s Flashdance, British director Adrian Lyne was given free reign to adapt Ingeborg Day’s 1978 memoir of lust and sexual obsession.

Co-written by soft porn stalwart, Zalman King, Lyne’s movie is a steamy and raunchy affair, that set cinema ablaze and started a tsunami of parodies that still exist to this day.

Art gallery worker Elizabeth (Kim Basinger) meets John (Mickey Rourke), a Wall Street executive. The pair embark on a highly charged and erotic relationship that lasts nine and a half weeks.

9 1/2 Weeks is, arguably, the original Fifty Shades Of Grey, which makes sense as they’re both complete shite! Whereas the latter film deals heavily with S&M, this merely touches upon it.

As erotic dramas go, this is the absolute pits. There is no chemistry whatsoever between the pair. Rourke and Basinger don’t gel. I’ve seen more steam emanating from an overheating radiator. Seriously, these guys couldn’t melt an ice cube.

Explicit for its time, the years have not been kind to this, with the sex scenes looking staid and stilted with a cold And clammy feel.

Very unrealistic in terms of plot and sex, Basinger’s masturbation scene is derisory and laughable at best. The main selling point was seeing Basinger topless.

Poorly acted and insipid with a poor sound and mumbling dialogue. Working with a bland script, 9 1/2 Weeks is a chore to sit through. An endurance rather than a pleasure, the film is, simply, a failure, lacking any warmth or appeal.

Dreadful and boring, the film plays like it’s running for 9 1/2 Weeks instead of the two hours that it really has.

Terrible.

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