The Room

Dir: Tommy Wiseau, 2005

0/10

Where do you start with this film?

The Room is so bad, on so many levels, that it’s impossible to begin criticising it.

Tommy Wiseau is Johnny. He’s shagging this blonde piece, Lisa, who is far, FAR too pretty for him.

The blonde girl is being nobbed by Johnny’s best mate.

There are some other people in it, but I really couldn’t care less.

Often described as “the worst film ever made”, if you pit this against Plan 9 From Outer Space, Ed Wood’s sci-fi travesty looks like Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather.

Shot on a budget somewhere in the region of, maybe, $10 (and getting change back), Wiseau’s turd is a complete mess.

Written, produced, directed by and starring Wiseau, he has only himself to blame for the shortcomings. He even distributed the bloody thing!

Clearly, there was just one draft of the script and it didn’t go through an editing process. Anybody, would have seen and told Wiseau about inconsistencies and redundant plot points.

Seriously, check this:

Lisa’s overbearing mother comes to visit her, and encourage the girl to marry Johnny. All of a sudden, right in the middle of the conversation, the mother casually remarks “I’ve definitely got breast cancer”. Then they go back to talking about Johnny! There was no mention, whatsoever, about her mother getting checked up, and the illness isn’t brought up again for the remainder of the film. Lisa shows no emotion or care about what she’s just been told and shrugs it off.

Characters come and go, bringing their own plots that are forgotten about and never resolved. There is no explanation for their actions, or how it fits into the current story.

Appallingly atrocious acting, I’ve seen school plays with more depth and talent.

Wiseau uses every single cliche and fails. The sex scenes are cold and laughable. He attempts to direct things like The Red Shoe Diaries but misses the mark by miles. He actually scatters rose petals over Lisa’s naked breasts, in the act of making love.

The entire film is a cringeworthy mess, bereft of any enjoyment, even in a “so bad it’s good” way.

Don’t waste your time thinking about watching it. Don’t waste your life ACTUALLY watching it.

Garbage!

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