G.B.H: Grievous Bodily Harm

Dir: David Kent-Watson, 1983

0/10

Cliff Twemlow was a Jack of all trades. Unfortunately, he wasn’t any good at any of them.

In his illustrious career, Twemlow alleges to have been a bouncer, musician, author, brawler, actor, director, film writer, body builder and god knows what else! 

Loosely based on his autobiography, The Tuxedo Warrior, this “video nasty” is a complete abomination of a film. And “film” is used lightly.

G.B.H. stars Twemlow as Steve, a bouncer recently released from prison. The manager of a local nightclub, offers Steve a job as a bouncer. The club has been subjected to attacks from a kingpin, and Steve has to defend the club, the woman he loves and, ultimately, his life.

Make no mistakes, this film is truly atrocious. Shot entirely on video tape, G.B.H. has some of the worst dialogue you’ve ever heard. Not one member of the cast has any acting ability. Seriously, it plays out like an extended episode of Brookside. You can’t even argue that it’s so bad, it’s good. It’s just bad, bad, BAD! 

Proudly asserting on the cover of the VHS that the film is more brutal than The Long Good Friday, G.B.H. is so far from brutal that it’s in another dimension. My Little Pony has more brutality. Along with that ludicrous blurb, is a warning that the film is not for the squeamish. There is nothing to be squeamish about. If any credit can be mustered up, it’s that the distributors knew how to sell a product. I can only imagine, the number of disappointed people who rented this.

The title credits are basic, and anybody with an inkling of video editing could have done better. A school kid using a BBC computer, could have done better.

Twemlow’s film, should be resigned to the dustbin of history and forgotten about. If it wasn’t for the police adding the film to the list of potentially obscene videos, nobody would be aware of its existence. The only interest the film holds, is to collectors of pre-certification VHS.

Aside from the original distribution, G.B.H hasn’t seen a re-release of any kind. Whereas most “video nasties” are now freely available with BBFC approval (more often than not uncut), this particular tape has been sentenced to VHS limbo, primarily because the rights are so muddled. The other reason is because it’s shite. However, some kind souls have uploaded the film on to streaming sites such as YouTube.

Despicable and insipid, G.B.H is a dreadful film in every aspect. Devoid of any merit, it’s a sad film to be remembered for, as the late Cliff Twemlow is.

Plain awful.

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